Ark Building in 2003

I just came across this humorous anecdote I clipped from the Creemore Echo in 2003.

This is sooo relevant in the business of building today.

The earth was wicked and overpopulated.  The Lord instructed Noah to rebuild the Ark and save two of every living thing, along with a few good humans.  “Here’s the blueprint,” said the Lord.  “You will need to hurry, for in six months I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”  Right on schedule six months later the rains started coming down.  But when the Lord checked in with Noah, he was weeping in his flooded yard, and there was no Ark.  “Noah,” He roared; “Where’s the Ark?”

Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah.  “Things have changed.  I needed a building permit.  I’ve been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.  My neighbours claim that I have violated the zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limit.  We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.  Then Transport Canada and the Department of Highways and Hydro wanted a bond posted for the future costs of moving power, trolley, and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark’s move to the sea.  I argued the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of this!  Getting wood was another problem.  There’s a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the potted owl.  I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls, but no go!”

“I started gathering the animals, but then an animal rights group sued me.  They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.  As well, they argued the space was too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in so confined an area.”

“Environment Canada decided that I could not build the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood.  I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I’m supposed to hire for my building crew.  Meanwhile, the trade unions want me to hire only union people with ark building experience.  To make matters worse, Canada Customs and Revenue Agency seized all of my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally as well as with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years to finish this Ark.”  Suddenly, the skies cleared, and the sun began to shine.  A rainbow stretched across the sky!  Noah looked up in wonder.  “You mean you’re not going to destroy the world, Lord?” he asked.

“No,” said the Lord.  “Your government already has!”

Editor's note:  This modern fable was recently shared with the Big Heart Seniors and sent on to the Echo by Edith and Bob Veale.

Author unknown.